We, the United Turkeys of America, have a message for you.
Just because we stick our necks out, doesn’t mean we want them chopped off. Besides, we walk around on two legs just like you. Eating things with four legs or no legs is better.
We believe that you would be much better off eating cow or pig or sheep or something slimy for Thanksgiving— or any other time. We know that you are bright, caring, loving human beings who will listen to our reasons, that you are not like Dumb Tom who seems to have problems with where he should stick his head.
Dumb Tom, in the rear, so to speak.
So listen up folks… Here are four reasons why there should not be a turkey on your platter:
We are tough.
I am one big, mean, fighting machine!
That’s a ‘don’t mess with me glint’ in my eyes.
We are pretty.
Really, can you think of anyone more beautiful than we are? Now if we can just persuade the girls…
We are cultured, we dance!
The fan dance…
The Conga line…
The Tango…
The ballet… Check out the toes!
And for the respected elders out there: “Me and my shadow, dancing down the avenue.”
We are native, Native Americans.
Long before Europeans came to America we were here, as this ancient rock art attests to. In fact, we are even more native than the Natives.
Gobble, gobble. Gobble, gobble, gobble. Translated: Eat snake, that’s what I am doing.
So, my friends…
In closing, I would like to make one final recommendation: Eat tofu.
A very Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family from Peggy and me. PS… We will be eating turkey. Don’t tell the flock.
Wandering through Time and Place 