On Thursday, I’ll post the next in my UT-OH! blog-a-book series: The tale of how MC the Cat barely avoided having his danglies cut off, which, much to his dismay, would have ended his tomcatting ways.
The Sculptures of Burning Man
UT-OH! Chapter 4: Part 2 of ‘Hiring the Family Pets to Scare Away the Ghosts’
I am continuing the story about how I had hired my pets to sleep on my bed and scare away the ghosts that came out of the Graveyard next door to haunt me when I slept outside. I introduced Demon the Black Cat in my last UT-OH post. Today, it’s Pat the Greyhound’s turn. She joined our family as a stray. For weeks, Mother had watched this large, starving dog wander the countryside catching jack rabbits and ground squirrels for food. One day she stopped the car, opened the door, and invited Pat home for a meal.
“Oh, it is just until she gains a little weight,” Mother explained to one very disgruntled Pop. He already believed the size of our pet menagerie was far too large. People were known to drop off unwanted cats in front of our house knowing that they would find a home. As the dog put on the pounds, Mother modified her strategy.
“It would break Curt’s heart if we had to give her away,” she argued. Mother was a master at manipulation. Pat, who I named after the local Greyhound bus driver, became my dog.
Like all of our pets, she lived outside. It was Pop’s rule; pets were limited to daytime visitation rights only. The pregnant Demon had been an exception imposed by Mother. Since there were no leash laws, Pat was free to come and go as she pleased. Mainly she chose to hang around with her food dish in sight. It was a lot easier than catching rabbits.
The night of the skunk was an exception to Pat’s normal stay-at-home routine. As usual, I had crawled into bed with an assortment of animals. That evening, it was minus Pat. Good, she took up a lot of room. Somewhere around midnight, I half way awoke as she hopped up on the bed, completed three dog turns, and snuggled down. Consciousness made a quantum leap as my nose was assailed by an unmistakable perfume.
“Seems we have a skunk visiting,” I told Pat and reached down to scratch her head. The fur was moist. As I pulled my hand back, the skunk suddenly got much closer. Now, I was totally awake. Ms. Greyhound had been bullying the wrong pussycat. It was a night to sleep inside. In fact, Marshall had a roommate for several days. I don’t know how many times I washed that hand, but I do know that the bedding was tossed and Pat learned what a tomato juice bath was. When I finally made it back outside, the animals were put on notice: One more problem and off they went.
Then Demon made her contribution.
She was well into middle age by this time and there had been no pause in kitten production. This was a time before spaying became common. Every few months, Demon shelled out another litter. She had long since finished overpopulating Diamond and was working on surrounding communities. We were teetering on becoming known as the Cat Family of Diamond Springs. My father reverted to drastic measures. Demon was not pleased. She started hiding her kittens and became a master at subterfuge. If someone tried to follow her, she would stop and nonchalantly give herself a bath, her whole body, one lick at a time. Then she would wander off in the opposite direction.
Mother paid me in cookies to track Demon down. When the Graveyard was her destination, I had a flat tombstone I would stand on as a lookout. There was an added advantage: Demon didn’t check for people perched on tombstones. Who would? Eventually, the missing litter would be discovered. I felt like Daniel Boone.
Demon’s special home delivery took place the same summer Pat had her close encounter with the skunk. As noted earlier, my attitude about bed companions had become testy. I wasn’t above rolling over quickly to see how many I could dislodge. A really good roll would net three or four. Sleeping with me was like living on the San Andreas Fault.
I did feel guilt over routing Demon, however. Once again, she was pregnant. I watched her balloon out. By this time, I was a veteran of the birthing process and found it interesting rather than troublesome. One night I had awakened to Pat howling, found that she was delivering puppies, and sat up with her through the process. Another time I had gone out with Tom Murphy, our grocer, and assisted in the delivery of a calf that wanted to come out the wrong way. It was messy, up to the elbow work. Remember the coke I stolen from in front of his store on my early morning walk home from Rudy and Robert’s? Tom was repaid many times over. I should have been rewarded with free cokes for life.
I really didn’t expect to be around for the arrival of Demon’s kittens. That would take place in some hidden nook. One should never make assumptions, I learned. Again. It started as a normal night. Roll over, kick the animals off, and go to sleep. Wake up and repeat the process. It was not a normal morning. I woke up with wet feet.
“What the heck!” I exclaimed as I sat up quickly, dislodging Pat in the process. Demon looked innocently back at me from the foot of the bed. Okay, nothing suggested why my feet were wet. Then I noticed movement. Demon was not alone. Several little black clones were lined up for breakfast. Demon had delivered her litter on the bed and my feet were awash in afterbirth.
That did it. My bed was not a home for wayward dogs who encountered the business end of skunks and it certainly wasn’t designed as a maternity ward for unwed cats. After Demon and her brood were moved elsewhere and my bedding given a bath, I bought a water pistol and initiated a campaign of terror. Any four-legged critter on the bed became fair game. The cats learned quickly; getting shot with a water pistol was not their idea of a proper bath. The dogs were more resistant. Usually it took several squirts and then I would get the look: Big brown eyes accusing me of dark deeds. But I was tough and my canine companions eventually vacated the premises as well.
As soon as I fell asleep, however, the whole menagerie, fleas and all, would quietly slip back up on the bed.
On Thursday join me as I relate the story of how MC the Cat refused to have his danglies cut off in UT-OH! Chapter 5.
40 Wild, Whacky, and Weird Mutant Vehicles of Burning Man… Preparing for Burning Man 2026
We are continuing our focus on Burning Man today with a look at the wild, whacky, weird (and, I would add wonderful) mutant vehicles that roam the Playa and make their way through Black Rock City every year. Other than official vehicles and bicycles, they are the only form of transportation that is allowed besides walking. Each year brings a new crop to admire as well as old favorites to appreciate. While who knows what 2026 will bring, my goal today is to provide a perspective of what is possible based on past years. The ‘mutations’ that people come up with are prime examples of the creativity that goes into making Burning Man special. BM encourages this artistic flare with mutant vehicles by requiring that they must be extensively transformed, unrecognizable from their original form. Throwing a few baubles on your vehicle and calling it mutant so you can drive around the Playa and Black Rock City doesn’t work.
Following are photos of 40 different vehicles. While that seems like a lot for a post, they are easy to scroll though, heavy on photos, light on words. Enjoy.
Thursday’s blog-a-book memoir will relate how a greyhound and a black cat got banned from sleeping on my bed.
UT-OH! Chapter 3: Hiring the Family Pets Scare the Away the Graveyard Ghosts: Part I (It’s Friday the 13th)
First Grade was not the highlight of my school years, thankfully. Things had to get better. And did. My second and third grade teacher turned out to be my Godmother. There is a commandment issued on a mountain somewhere and written in granite: She had to like me. My attitude toward education made a dramatic leap. I actually became something of a teacher’s pet, which surprised everybody. Me, most of all. But back to the wilderness, er, Graveyard.
Between the third and fourth grade, I discovered a new way to enjoy nature. I moved my bedroom outdoors in the summer. It was partially to avoid sharing a room with Marshall and partially to escape my father’s house shaking snores. But the real reason was that I loved being outdoors. I would move out as soon as school was over and stay until it started, or later if parents and weather permitted.
At first I slept on the ground in a cheap cotton sleeping bag. The ground was hard, the nights cool, and the mosquitoes persistent, but these were minor drawbacks. I was free. If I had to pee, I’d climb out of the sleeping bag and find the nearest bush. If I woke up thirsty, a convenient garden hose was nearby. I would go to sleep watching the stars and listening to a giant bullfrog that lived in the ditch in front of our house. I would wake up to the cool morning air and chirping robins. Life was good.
Then it got better. My grandparents bought me a real bed— a wood framed, steel spring army cot, complete with mattress. Looking back, I think they may have been embarrassed that their grandson was sleeping on the ground.
My paradise was marred by one thing, the Graveyard. It was always there on the edge of my sight. White tombstones glared at me.
As hard as I pretended, the cemetery and its frightful inhabitants would not go away. So I developed a set of defenses. The first was to sleep facing the opposite direction, or hide under the covers, ostrich like. A more sophisticated approach was to locate the bed where I couldn’t see the Graveyard. Our well-seasoned cars worked in a pinch, but they weren’t quite large enough. Bits and pieces of the Graveyard would creep around their sides, peak over their tops and slink under their bottoms. A trellis built by my father, Pop, was much better. Its luxurious growth of honeysuckle created the perfect screen. I set up a permanent residence behind it.
But even the trellis wasn’t enough to calm my imagination. More drastic action was called for. I hired protection. It came in the form of various family pets. Their job was to chase the ghosts away. Payment was made by allowing them to sleep on my bed. Apparently, the scheme worked. The evidence is irrefutable: No ghosts attacked me in the years I slept outside.
The downside was that I didn’t have much room. Two dogs, a cat, and me on a one person army cot constituted a menagerie, or a zoo, if you counted the fleas. It was difficult to move. At first, I was very careful not to disturb my sleeping companions. I became a circus contortionist frozen in place with body parts pointed in every direction. If this meant a sleepless night, so be it. It was a small price to pay for keeping the ghosts at bay.
Gradually, my attitude changes. I grew larger, the bed space shrank, and the animals started sleeping on top of me. Meanwhile the ghosts, who tend to hassle little people more than they do big people, became less of a threat. Therefore, I needed less protection. Neither of these factors led to the final banning of the animal kingdom, however, it was the shameless shenanigans of Demon the Cat and Pat the Greyhound.
Demon, the alpha family cat, was as black as the darkest night. As such, she was appropriately named and attired for Graveyard duty. In fact, she spent a good deal of her life there, stalking mice, lizards, birds and anything else she could get her claws into with impunity. Captured prey would then be brought home for approval, or as gifts. My job was to dispose of the half devoured carcasses, preferably before Mother saw them. I would sometimes tie a string around the unsolicited gifts and run around the yard with Demon in mad pursuit. (Okay, this was admittedly weird, but I did receive high marks from the cat.)
Depopulating the Graveyard was not Demon’s claim to fame, however. Motherhood was. She had kittens often and everywhere. I suspect that half of the cats living in Diamond Springs and El Dorado County CA, today, can trace their lineage back to her.
Two instances of kitten production bring back vivid memories. The first took place on the living room floor. Demon was a young cat at the time, and a neophyte at motherhood. Her impending delivery was quite apparent from her large belly and ceaseless exploration of clothes hampers, closets and other dark places. With high hopes of avoiding a misplaced litter, Mother had arranged her bedroom closet as a maternity ward.
It was my duty to show Demon her new home several times a day. I would carefully pick up the very pregnant cat, carry her to the closet, and deposit her in a box with well-used clothes. Demon didn’t buy the program. It seems that my bedside manner was faulty. She would climb out of the box, glare at me, and stalk out of the room.
When the joyous day finally arrived, I was home alone. Demon was practicing her would-be mother waddle walk across the floor when she suddenly stopped, squawked and squatted.
Neither she nor I was ready for what followed. After all, how prepared can a young kid and a first-time mother be prepared for birth? In a massive surprise to both of us, a tiny, black bundle of fir emerged from Demon’s undercarriage. Surging emotions paralyzed my seven-year-old mind.
One thought stood out: The closet! If Demon hadn’t memorized her delivery lessons, I had. I jumped across the room, grabbed her by the nape of the neck, and dashed for Mother’s bedroom. As fast as I ran, it wasn’t fast enough. In the middle of the kitchen, the new arrival completed her journey and was heading for a crash landing. Somehow, somewhere between Demon and the floor, I caught the warm, wet ball of fur in my free hand. After that, my memory fades but I know that the three of us made it to the closet. I left Demon busy licking her new baby. Demon accepted her new home and four more kittens followed the first, although in a less dramatic way. Diamond’s cat population explosion was underway.
Part 2 of Hiring the Family Pets to Keep the Graveyard Ghosts Away will be posted next week on Thursday’s blog-a-book day. Tune in to learn about my second vivid memory of Demon’s kitten production, how Pat the Greyhound became a member of our family, and how Pat and Demon’s bad behavior led to the banning of animals from my bed. Sort of.
So, You’ve Signed Up for Burning Man 2026: What Can You Expect? The Focus Series
Each year, Burning Man (BM) asks artists to submit artistic designs for what the Man might look like based on the theme. The winner for 2026 was submitted by Alexander (Zander) Rose, a Burner from the Bay Area with BM roots that go back all the way to 1996. His design is based on Japan’s national tree, Cryptomeria japanica, a cedar tree that can live to be over 2000 years old. An outer spiral staircase will take Burners 60 feet up to the base of the man. An inner spiral staircase will take them back down, creating the double helix of DNA, representing our past, present and future.
Every year at Burning Man (BM) is different. That’s what creativity is all about— and creativity is an important part of what makes BM special. The theme helps drive the creativity. Artists bringing their work to the event and tribes, people camping together who share a common interest, are asked to consider the theme when creating their works and designing their camps.
The Burning Man Journal notes that the event will demonstrate the relationship by “celebrating the interconnectedness of our global community, the new social realities we are creating together, and our enduring ties to the natural world.” While the statement relates primarily to the Burner community, a quote from Albert Einstein was added that broadens the concept to all of us:
“A human being is a part of the whole, called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”
While Einstein gives us a seemingly impossible task given the world of divisiveness we now face and the powerful people who profit politically and financially from it, Peggy and I believe that the kind of unity implied by Burning Man and Einstein is a goal we must never give up striving for. Darkness lies on the other side.
This focus series has several purposes. For newbies, or Virgin Burners as they are known, it will provide an overview of some of the things they will find at Burning Man, for veterans (and some of my followers) a nostalgic look back, for all others who find their way to this series for whatever reason, some insights into the magic that has given the event its world-wide renown. My focus will be on art, mutant vehicles, the Man, the Temple, people and activities, the desert setting, Black Rock City, and Burning Man at night.
Today I will be using 2023, the last year Peggy and I went, to introduce the series. Going forward, each post will include one to two focus areas with photos taken from the different times we have journeyed out to the Black Rock Desert. Starting in 2004, I’ve been 12 times and Peggy 7. Mine have included 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2009, 2010, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2017 and 2023. I began writing about the experience when I joined WordPress in 2010. Since then, I’ve featured BM in over 200 posts.
Now, a few thoughts for first timers. The Burning Man web site is filled to the brim with good advice on what to bring and what to expect. BM has been located in the Black Rock Desert for 35 years. That represents a ton of experience. You will want to follow its recommendations. The desert can be a harsh environment.
Having introduced some of the challenges, all in all, Burning Man is an incredible experience. In fact, veteran Burners even talk of the challenges they have faced over the years with fondness. One way to help assure a good experience is to follow the Burning Man credo; It is a participatory event, not a spectator event. Come and join the fun. Bring a costume and something to share. Nothing is for sale at the event except ice and something to pump the poop out of your RV, if you bring one. But everywhere you turn, camps and individuals are offering food, drinks, and a multitude of other things— for free. One year a young woman was passing through Center Camp offering to cool down Burners by rubbing ice on their necks. It felt great! You can attend interesting talks and even learn new skills ranging from pole dancing to twirling a hula hoop, or fire. And you can share the skills you have. Volunteer to help with the event. There are dozens of opportunities.
Individual reactions to Burning Man cover a wide spectrum. As a newbie, you may find you absolutely love it. When you arrive home afterwards, you are excited to share the experience with friends and family. You immediately start planning to go the next year. Or you may find yourself saying “Wow, that was an experience. I’m glad I came but I don’t need to come again.” Or, you may be asking, “Why oh why did I decide to come here? I don’t need dust in my nose, eyes, and mouth. I want my toilets to flush. I don’t need the desert heat and desert cold, mud that sticks to my shoes, people everywhere, and drum-heavy metal/rock/industrial music that blasts away to the wee hours of the morning!”
But even if you hate it, think of the stories you will be able to tell your grandkids. For example:
Here’s hoping you make it to BM2026. My next several Monday posts will continue my Focus Series look at Burning Man, exploring in detail the various aspects of the event I have introduced today. Next week, I’ll start with mutant vehicles.
On Thursday, I will continue my blog-a-book memoir and describe how I hired the family pets to protect me from the ghosts that wandered into our backyard from the graveyard next door. There were pros and cons.
UT-OH! Chapter 3: Do You Feel the Vibes, Tonto? A Train Is Coming. –The Lone Ranger
My endless vacation came to an end the fall of 1949. It was time for the first grade. Mother was delighted. Mrs. Young, not so much. A number of the little boxes on my report card that reflected good behavior were marked ‘needs improvement.’ Mrs. Young had decided I needed a lot. Is neat: needs improvement. Shares: needs improvement. Is polite: needs improvement. The list went on. I was a little savage.
The ‘neat’ part was particularly sensitive. My shoes were falling apart, my pants had holes in them (this was before it became a fashion statement for young women), I smelled like a little boy who only bathed once a week, and didn’t wear any underwear. You might wonder how Mrs. Young knew about the latter. It wasn’t that she did an inspection. The zipper was to blame.
I was in the bathroom one day, had finished peeing, and was zipping up my pants when my poor little guy got stuck in the zipper. Damn that hurt! I screamed like the six year old man I was and made a beeline to Mrs. Young to solve the problem. She must have been delighted and wondered where in her contract it stated “Must be available to liberate little boys’ penises from zippers.” Anyway, she did her job. I suspect a not-nice note was sent home to my mother. Anyway, underwear became part of my attire, forever after.
I thought of naming this chapter, Free the Penis! But my editor/Peggy (wife) thought not.
Once, I got spanked. “Reading and writing and ‘rithmetic taught to the tune of a hickory stick” the old song School Days proclaimed. My classmate Joe and I had disagreed over who was top dog. We fought it out on the playground. I thought I was doing Mrs. Young a favor by clarifying the issue. Joe was even more uncivilized than I. She thought otherwise. The only justice I could see was that Joe got it in the end as well, so to speak.
The high point of my year was that I made my first two friends who weren’t family or buddies of my older brother. Rudy and Robert were a pair of Hispanic brothers who lived in a small house out in east Diamond. We had hit it off immediately and on a Saturday toward the end of school, the boys and their parents invited me up to their house to spend the night. It was my first official play date and my first ever sleep-over. I was nervous. My mother took me up and dropped me off to a royal greeting by the boys, their parents and their siblings.
“Quick,” the boys urged, “we have to go stand by the railroad tracks.” We could hear the train’s whistle as it approached Diamond.
The tracks were part of a narrow-gauge railway Caldor Lumber Company used to bring logs from its tree-cutting operation 20 miles up in the El Dorado National Forest to its lumber mill in Diamond Springs. When the company was established in the early 1900s, it had located its sawmill in the forest near its logging operation and used mules for hauling the logs. It had then switched to oxen, and finally a giant steam tractor. The tractor made so much noise that the company was required to use outriders a quarter of a mile in front to warn people so their horses wouldn’t be spooked.
Understandably, the company switched to the railroad when it relocated its mill to Diamond Springs, 20 miles away. The train, in turn, would lose out to logging trucks in the 50s. At the time, however, little kids still had the joy of watching the engines and their line of rail cars carrying massive logs out of the forest.
My father had a close connection with the railway. As one of Caldor’s two electricians, he was responsible for maintaining phone service along the track between the lumber camp and the mill as well as the massive machinery the mill used for cutting up logs and producing lumber. When there was a problem with the phones, off he went to check out the 20 miles of line. A hand cranked generator was necessary for creating the electricity to make calls. We inherited one when the line was replaced. Marsh and I would invite our little friends over, crank up the machine, and have them touch the outlet. They got the message. It was shocking.
Pop’s favorite railway task was clearing snow off the tracks each summer when the logging camp opened up for the season. “We had a diesel-powered rail car with a snow plow on it,” he explained to me later. “We’d back up and take a run at snow banks, crashing into them, and hopefully breaking through. Often our car would jump the tracks. We’d all pile out and lift it back on.” Some fun; he loved it.
While watching the train was high entertainment, the primary attraction for us was that the engineers carried an ample supply of wrapped hard candy that they would throw out to the boys and girls standing alongside the track. It was a tradition.
The train was near. We could hear it chugging along. Rudy, Robert, their brother, sisters and I sprinted the hundred or so yards over to the tracks. Being a smart ass, I laid down and put my ear on one of the rails. It was a trick I had learned from the Lone Ranger and his side-kick, Tonto. You can actually hear the vibrations and supposedly judge how far away the train was. I needn’t have bothered since the train came into view a hundred yards away while my I was focused on the ‘vibes.’ I’m sure the engineers saw me.
“Get off the track!” Rudy and Robert screamed. We started waving vigorously. One of the engineers dutifully leaned out of the cab and tossed us candy, lots of it. We scrambled around picking it up and shoving it in our pockets. At least the ones that weren’t shoved into our mouths.
After we had collected our candy from the train, dinner was a long hour off. I suggested to Robert and Rudy that we head out to the woods behind their house and ride trees. Who needs horses? My brother and I had learned that we could climb up to the top of young, skinny pines and make them sway back and forth by leaning out. The farther we leaned, the more they swayed. It offered a free carnival-like experience 10 feet up in the air. Even more could be accomplished by throwing our feet out in the direction the tree was swaying and hanging on for dear life. If the tree was skinny enough, two of us could make it bend all of the way down to the ground, where we would drop off and allow it to snap back up. It took a while for me to persuade Rudy and Robert that the sport wasn’t going to kill them.
I suspect the trees didn’t enjoy the experience nearly as much as we did. Years later when I read Robert Frost’s poem about children bending birches, I fondly recalled our pine tree horses— or bucking broncs if you prefer.
“It’s dinner time!” came the call so we rushed back to the house and made use of an outside water faucet to wash the pine pitch off our hands. Sort of. Pitch has a way of sticking like super glue. It’s the pine tree’s revenge. Mother had a box of Boraxo at home for the task. Hand inspections were held afterward.
“You have to try this,” Rudy enthused, dashing into the house and coming out with a red pepper. I should have been suspicious when the rest of the kids gathered around. But what does a first grader know? I gamely bit into the pepper and was introduced to habanero-hot. The kids roared as I made a mad sprint for the faucet and drank a gallon of water, becoming a major part of the evening’s entertainment. It would have served them right if I’d peed in their bed later.
I forgave them when I had my first Mexican dinner, however. I still love Mexican food. And I’ve come to enjoy habanero-hot on foods ranging from burritos to spaghetti.
As the night progressed, it soon became time for bed. I was about to flunk sleep-over etiquette. The boys slept on the same bed. Admittedly it was bigger than my small single at home, but I had never slept in a bed with another person, much less 2 others, or maybe it was 10. That’s what it felt like. They put me in the middle. I was mortified, but I tried. I really did. Ten o’clock came and there I was, eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling, body frozen in place, and midnight, and two, and four. At five, I gently nudged Robert.
“I can’t sleep. I haven’t slept all night,” I confessed. “I have to go home.”
“Ummm,” the half-awake Robert had moaned and moved.
I got up, dressed, and slipped out of the house by 5:30, careful not to wake anyone else. It was close to dark outside with only a dim light announcing the morning. Home wasn’t that far away, maybe a mile and a half at most. But I still remember the journey from a first grader’s perspective: It was long and spooky, my first great solo adventure. I followed the dirt road over the railroad tracks out to the Pleasant Valley Road. Not one car zipped by. Fortunately. They probably would have stopped and driven me home. Everyone knew everybody else in Diamond Springs with its population of 750. “Sorry to wake you up, Marge, but I found Curt out wandering in East Diamond.” By noon, everyone in town would have heard the story.
I walked past the hill with the cross on it and picked up Highway 49. Halfway home, I came to Tom Murphy’s grocery store. Sodas were stacked in wood boxes in front, waiting to be moved inside. I looked around furtively; I was totally alone. So, I helped myself to a Coke; I deserved it. I continued on my journey, walking by the post office, Dub Walker’s store, the barber shop, Scheiber’s hardware store, the historic Pony Express stop, the firehouse and Gust Brother’s Garage, eventually reaching the dreaded Graveyard. I clutched my coke and crossed the road, preferring Pagoni’s mean dogs to the ghosts.
Arriving home, I carefully hid the soda outside. It wouldn’t do to have overly inquisitive parents discover the purloined drink and ask questions. I happily enjoyed it later in the day, feeling much less guilty about stealing than I did about abandoning my friends. I suspect there was a bit of consternation when Rudy and Robert’s parents woke to find me missing. Imagine what would happen today.
Hoofing It with Ungulates (Horses, Hippos, Hogs and Many More)… The Focus Series
Today, our focus series features ungulates. In case you don’t know what an ungulate is, like I didn’t, the short answer is that they are animals with hooves who walk or run on their toes. Did that help? They are divided into two categories: Odd toed ungulates (Perissodactyl) such as horses with one toe, and even toed ungulates (Artiodactyla) such as cows with two toes. The credit for having hooves goes to evolution. Horses, for example, started out with multiple toes just like us. They had 4 on the front and 3 on the back. Eventually, over millions of years, their claws/toenails expanded, grew together, and covered their toes. The evolutionary advantage being they could run a lot faster across grasslands and escape animals that wanted to eat them. A hoof is composed of keratin, the same fibrous protein that forms our toe and finger nails. It acts as a hard, protective casing that covers the toes and allows for weight-bearing, shock absorption, and traction— just like a good pair of running shoe works for our feet. But enough on the details. Let’s get to the fun part!
There’s a fun story here. The big ram above had been bringing his flock down to the park from the mountains for years when a new subdivision was built beside the trail. This didn’t seem to bother the big horns and you can imagine what a treat it was for the people. But then, one of the home owners put a shiny aluminum door on his garage next to the trail. The leader looked over and saw his reflection. Except it wasn’t his reflection in his mind. It was another lage male challenging him for the leadership. He reared back and charged at the same time the other big horn did, again and again. Nobody was going to get his nannies. The story the locals told us was that the owner of the garage door had a really hard time convincing his insurance agent how the damage had been caused!
Next up on UT-OH, my blog-a-book-memoir, I learn valuable lessons that every first grader should know: It’s not smart to put your head down on a track to judge a train’s distance when it’s a hundred yards away (it makes the engineer nervous), deciding to go on a mile and a half hike by yourself at 5:30 a.m. may be frowned upon, habanero peppers are hot, and why it’s valuable to wear underwear. Getting caught in your zipper and having to have the first grade teacher free you is no joke.
UT-OH Chapter 2: Scary Ghosts and Half-Starved Cannibals… The Graveyard
The Graveyard was out the backdoor and across the alley.
We lived with its ghostly white reminders of our mortality day and night. Ancient tombstones with fading epitaphs whispered of those who had come to seek their fortune in California’s 1849 Gold Rush and stayed for eternity. Time had given their resting place a sense of permanence and even peace. But not all of the graves were old. Occasionally a fresh body was planted on the opposite side of the cemetery. I stayed far away; the newly dead are restless.
At some point, Heavenly trees, brought over from China by Chinese miners during the Gold Rush, had been planted to shade the aging bones. They behaved like devil driven weeds. Chop them down and they sprang back up, twice as thick. Since clearing the trees provided Diamond Springs Boy Scout Troop 95 with a community project every few years, the trees retaliated by forming a visually impenetrable mass of green in summer and an army of sticks in winter. Trailing Myrtle, a cover plant with Jurassic aspirations, hid the ground in deep, leafy foliage.
The Graveyard provided my first ‘wilderness’ experience. During the day, it took little imagination to change this lush growth into a jungle playground populated with ferocious tigers, bone crushing boas, and half-starved cannibals. Marshall and I considered the Graveyard an extension of our backyard. Since it was within easy calling distance of the house, our parents had a similar perspective. Either that or they were glad for the quiet time.
The skinny Heavenly trees made great spears for fending off the beasts, or throwing at each other. At least they did until we stuck one in Lee’s hand. Neither he nor his parents were happy. (And why does William Golding’s Lord of the Flies come to mind?) Spear throwing was crossed off our play schedule. We turned to hurling green, black walnuts at each other instead. They grew in abundance on the trees in our front yard. Plus, we could hide behind the trees and toss them at passing cars on Highway 49. Screeching brakes and one really pissed-off driver brought that activity to a halt.
Night was different in the Graveyard— it became a place of mystery and danger. Dead people abandoned their underground chambers and slithered up through the ground. A local test of boyhood bravery was to go into the Graveyard after dark and walk over myrtle-hidden graves, taunting the inhabitants. Slight depressions announced where they lived. Marshall persuaded me to accompany him there on a moonless night. I entered with foreboding: fearing the dark, fearing the tombstones and fearing the ghosts. Halfway through I heard a muzzled sound. Someone, or thing, was stalking us.
“Hey Marsh, what was that?” I whispered urgently.
“Your imagination, Curt,” was the disdainful reply.
Scratch, scratch! Something was digging behind a tombstone and it was not my imagination. Marshall heard it too. We went crashing out of the Graveyard with the scary creature of the night in swift pursuit, wagging her tail.
“I knew it was the dog all of the time,” Marsh claimed. Yeah, sure you did.
I also began to explore the Graveyard on my own. One of my 6-year-old memories was spying on Mr. Fitzgerald, a neighbor who lived across the alley. He’s dead now— and has been for decades— but at the time he was a bent old man who liked to putter around outside. At one time he had been the Superintendent of El Dorado County Schools. A black locust tree, perched on the edge of the Graveyard, provided an excellent lookout to watch him while he worked.
One particular incident stands out in my mind. I had climbed into the tree and was staring down into his yard. It was a fall day. Dark clouds heavy with rain were marching in from the Pacific while distant thunder announced their approach. A stiff, cool breeze sent yellow leaves dancing across the ground.
Mr. Fitzgerald wore a heavy coat to fight off the chill. I watched him shuffle around in his backyard as he sharpened his axe on a foot operated grinding wheel and then chopped kindling on an oak stump. When he had painfully bent down to pick up the pieces and carry them into his woodshed, I scrambled down from the tree so I could continue to spy on him through a knothole. I must have made some noise, or maybe I blocked the sunlight from streaming into the shed. He stopped stacking wood and stared intently at where I was, as though he could see through the weathered boards. It frightened me.
I took off like a spooked jack rabbit and disappeared into the safety of our house. Mr. Fitzgerald was intriguing, but his age and frailty spoke of death, and the dead people who lived in the Graveyard.
Step Aside Cats, We Have Puppy Eyes: A Look at Dogs… The Focus Series
The focus series looked at cats last week. Dogs insisted it’s their turn this week.
Here are some fun facts about the puppy and other dogs as well. Leta’s nose print is unique to her. Just like your thumbprint is to you. No two dogs have the same one. What her nose does share with most other dogs are some 150 million olfactory receptors. Humans have around 6 million. That’s why their sniffing ability far exceeds ours. Some dogs have a lot more. The blood hound is top dog with around 300 million. They can follow tracks several days old and can stay on a scent trail for over 100 miles. Their sense of smell is so well documented that it can be admitted as evidence in a court of law. “Sniff, sniff. Woof, woof, woof!” Translated: Number three in the lineup robbed the bank.
While we are dealing with a dog’s sense of smell, here’s a fact I didn’t know. They have a back up system for ‘smelling’ pheromones (chemicals) that contain a great deal of information. It’s called Jacobsons Organ and is found on the roof of their mouth. It has a direct line to the brain where the information on the pheromones is translated: Valuable information to Bowser: Such as whether Fifi is ready to breed. Information on health and mood can also be transmitted. Yours, as well as another dog’s.
Pee, poop, and even feet carry pheromones which are created by scent glands. Because pheromones are volatile, they are released to the air and can travel long distances. That’s why Bowser might get excited if Fifi is in heat, even if she lives three miles away. Given an opportunity, he will go roaming and show up on her doorstep. I found the information about feet interesting as well. You’ve likely seen a dog kicking backwards after it has done its business. I’d always thought it was making a half hearted attempt to cover its poop. Actually it’s using the scent glands on its feet to mark its territory. It’s kind of a “I pooped here,” message. The pheromone is the sentence; the poop the exclamation point.
Scent glands near the anus provide all kinds of information, which is why dogs are always sniffing each other’s butts. Each dog has its own unique pheromones that travel to the sniffing dog’s Jacobsons Organ and then their brain where they are stored and interpreted for immediate and future use. A dog can actually recognize a dog it has sniffed years before. And remember its mood. “When I was a puppy, you were grouchy and bit me. Now you are old and I’m twice as big. Guess what?”
In my next post on UT-OH, I relate how listening to the Lone Ranger on our family radio almost led to my head being smashed by a train. Our next focus post will be on Hoofing It with Ungulates.
UT-OH! Chapter 1: First Grade Flunkee
I can still hear the clanking treads and feel the bite of the blade as my D-8 dug into the side of the steep hill. Dirt and rocks tumbled into the canyon below. I was working alone, cutting a logging road across mountainous terrain. A hot Indian-Summer sun was beating down on me. My body was drenched in sweat and covered in dirt. And then it happened. A portion of the cliff gave away— and the bulldozer went tumbling off the edge.
“Fuck!” I yelled.
It was a wonderful word, one that I had learned from my seven-year old brother, Marshall. I didn’t have a clue what it meant, but it was deliciously bad and not to be said around adults. Or my sister.
At five years of age, I was too young to be operating a bulldozer by myself in our backyard, even if it was only four-inches long and the road I was cutting was along the edge of our compost pit. But my mother wasn’t the hovering type; she drank a lot. Empty wine bottles had a way of mysteriously appearing under her bed and in the clothes’ hamper that hid out in the closet. I spent a lot of time outdoors. My mother’s alcoholism was my introduction to being alone with nature. Not necessarily a bad deal.
I wasn’t totally alone. Coaly, our black Cocker Spaniel, was assigned babysitting duty. At “fuck!” she wagged her tail and barked into our compost pit where the toy had fallen.
“Go get the bulldozer, girl,” I urged. She gave me a ‘go get it yourself’ look. She wasn’t the ideal faithful-dog. The gray hair around her nose and aching joints spoke to her advanced years. She felt little need to please me and zero tolerance for my youthful pranks. Healing scars on my foot reflected how little.
We fed Coaly and our cats canned Bonnie dog food. She got half, and each of our two cats got a quarter. She’d wolf down her food and then go after the cats’ portion. I had discovered that Coaly growled ferociously if I messed with her share. We fed our animals outside on the finest paper towels. I always went barefoot in the summer and it was easy to reach over with my big toe and slide their food away. I quickly learned to leave the cats with their lightning fast claws alone. But Coaly was all bark and no bite. At least she was until she sunk her teeth into my foot. I ended up in the ER with a tetanus shot, stitches and zero sympathy. Coaly ended up gobbling her dinners and hassling the cats in peace.
At the time of the bulldozer incident, I had been granted a reprieve from school, or, to put it bluntly, I had been kicked out of the first grade— for a year. My mother was not happy. She had good reason to drink.
As her last child to enter school, she had been eager to get me out of the house. Make that desperate. The evidence is irrefutable. California had a rule then that five-year olds could go to the first grade if they turned six on or before March 1 of the following year. There was no such thing as kindergarten, at least in Diamond Springs in 1948. Since my birthday was on March 3, I missed the deadline by two days. Darn.
Mother’s reaction was more colorful. She made a command decision. Forty-eight hours were not going to stand in the way of her little boy’s education, or her freedom. So, she changed my birth certificate. March 3 was carefully erased with a typewriter eraser and March 1 typed in. I was bathed, dressed and shipped out, not the least bit aware that I had matured by two days. I think I recall hearing music and dancing in the house as my 12 year old sister walked me to school, a block away.
Things weren’t so rosy at school. The other kids were all older, bigger, and more coordinated. For example, Alan Green could draw a great horse. It came with four legs, a tail, a head and a flowing mane. Mine came with unrecognizable squiggles. It was hard to tell whether my objective was to draw a tarantula or a snake with legs, but the world’s wildest imagination on the world’s most potent drug wouldn’t have classified the picture as a horse. It was not refrigerator art. The whole exercise created big-time trauma.
This negative experience was compounded by the exercise of learning to print within lines. Forget that. If my letter came anywhere close to resembling a letter, any letter, I was happy. Mrs. Young, the teacher, was more critical.
“Curtis, I asked you to make Bs, and here you are printing Zs.”
“So what’s your point?” was not an acceptable response. Mrs. Young was suspicious and that suspicion increased each day I was in school. She was a tough old gal who had been teaching first grade for eons. She knew first graders, and I wasn’t one. As for the birth certificate, Mother’s forgery was in no danger of winning a blue ribbon at the county fair. After a few weeks, Mrs. Young sent off to Oregon for a copy. I remember her calling me up to her desk.
“Curtis” she explained, “you have a choice. You can either go home now or you can go home after school. But either way, you are going home and can’t come back until next year.”
Just like that, I was a reject, a first grade flunkee.
Mrs. Young couldn’t have made it any clearer: Mother was going to get her little boomerang back. This was okay by me, if not by her. Playing out in the backyard was infinitely more fun than competing in ‘Scribble the Horse.’ I did decide to stay for the day. Mrs. Young was reading about Goldilocks to us after lunch and I wanted to learn if the bears ate her.
It would have been interesting to listen in on the conversation that took place between Mother and Mrs. Young, or even more so between my mother and father, or Pop, as he was known to us. I’ve often wondered if he participated in the forgery or even knew about the March 1 rule. I doubt it. He was not the parent frantic to get me out of the house during the day. (Had it been in the evening the jury might still be out, he laughingly reported to me years later.) But I wasn’t privy to those high-level discussions. My job, which I took quite seriously, was to enjoy the reprieve. I was about to begin my wandering ways. The Graveyard was waiting. Join me next Thursday as I learn how it served as a great playground during the day but became terrifying at night when the ghosts slithered out from their graves.
Wandering through Time and Place 